I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
