somebody snuck up and got me drunk
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
