im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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