I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
