I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize