just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
