I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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