Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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