i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
