This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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