Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Its about making memories worth repressing
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
