I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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