What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
