Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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