what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love you. Go after that dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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