If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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