I think my vagina is haunted
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
bring money and cleavage
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize