...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
