i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
