Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
