this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're a waste of cheezeits
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
