I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
