Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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