my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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