dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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