I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
