Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
