He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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