I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
