My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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