I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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