today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
