That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
