we're chasing vodka with high fives
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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