I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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