I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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