Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize