I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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