he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
