Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
