I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
