my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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