i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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