i don't plan on having that self control this summer
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
