so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
