So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just googled if crying burns calories
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
