Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
