i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
