I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
