I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
