So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
