Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
