The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
