dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
