you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
