I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
