i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
