wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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