I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
