I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
