; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
