if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
