Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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