i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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