I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
