the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
